I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
