I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
