where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
