Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
whose ass print is on the piano?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize