I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
