Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
