"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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