Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize