At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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