Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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