Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
babies were throwing up all over the place
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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