We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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