shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
