I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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