This is not my ceiling
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
