Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
