i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
