i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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