I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
