Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
