Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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