i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
