I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
