pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
