history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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