When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
