Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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