But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
