Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
