So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
