can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
