I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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