conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They have beer where we have blood.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
