after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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