Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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