where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
