She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
