this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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