DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize