imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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