Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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