my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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