A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
