know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
