i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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