1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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