East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
