hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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