Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
