god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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