went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
