Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
