I hate all girls vehemently.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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