Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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