I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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