oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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