i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
