she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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