Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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