At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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