Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize