My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
