Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
