I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
