No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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