I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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