She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
