i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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