I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
