when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize
