I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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