I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
