so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They have beer where we have blood.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
