you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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