um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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