Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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