I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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